Ep 165: Stress, Elitism & the Search for External Enemies

Ever wondered why we feel the need to understand what drives other people? Discover the psychological roots behind our instinct to classify others as allies or threats, a behaviour etched into our tribal DNA. We'll untangle the web of intuition, empathy, and the ability to "read the room," and discuss how these skills can help us navigate social interactions. However, we'll also examine the challenges of miscommunication and the risks of overanalysing motives, especially when the practical stakes are low, such as with political figures. This episode encourages a balanced approach to analysing others' motives, emphasising when it's truly beneficial versus when it becomes a needless distraction.

The second part of our episode delves into our collective experience during the pandemic years, exploring how widespread distress has led many to seek external enemies as a coping mechanism. With a focus on introspection and self-awareness, we discuss the importance of addressing our own triggers and traumas before projecting them onto others. You'll hear practical advice on supporting loved ones stuck in this pattern and the significance of staying present in our immediate relationships. We advocate for a mindful allocation of energy and a discerning approach to global issues, ultimately urging a return to a clearer, more compassionate view of the the world - both inner and outer.

Chapters

• 0:02 Understanding Other People's Motivations
• 8:35 Navigating Inner Triggers and Displacement

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Truth and Transcendence brought to you by being Space with Catherine Llewellyn. Truth and Transcendence, episode 165. Other people's motivations. How much time do we spend thinking about other people's motivations? What are they thinking? What are they trying to do? What is motivating them?

Speaker 1: 0:41

Part of the human condition is to seek to understand other people's motivation. I think this goes back to the fact that we are a tribe creature. We need to know if we're safe. We need to have some idea of whether or not people are on our side, whether we can rely on people, whether people are being honest with us, whether they care about us or not, whether they're going to help us or not, whether they're going to attack us or not. I think this is a natural part of the human condition and I think it's a good thing in the sense that we develop intuition, we develop empathy, we develop capacities for reading the room, reading the building, reading aspects of our society, so that we can navigate and, up to a point, I think that's absolutely valuable. However, having said that bottom line, when we look right down to it, we can't fully understand someone else's motivation unless they tell us, and unless they tell us honestly, and unless we are also listening with our mind wide open to hear them. Now, all of these are precious aspects of being human Somebody willing to share their motivation, someone willing to be completely honest, somebody capable of being completely honest, capable of being really clear at the same time, and then the other person being capable of really opening their mind and receiving the information and really taking it in. For many of us, we never learn any of these capacities, or only some of them, and only to some extent. Now you're listening to this podcast, you're probably part of what I would say is not the majority of humanity in the sense that you're probably part of what I would say is not the majority of humanity, in the sense that you're probably someone who's actively invested in developing these capacities. Chances are, because otherwise you might not find a podcast like this interesting. You might just find it tedious and not fun. I want to listen to it. So if I understand my audience at all, says she.

Speaker 1: 3:09

Having just said that you can't understand someone's motivation unless they tell you, then I'm imagining that you really know what I'm talking about and that you've already invested in growing these capacities for yourself. That said, no matter how much we develop these capacities, we are not telepathic. Maybe some of us are I'm not personally and we don't know. And the other thing is people's motivations. Our own motivations are multi-layered.

Speaker 1: 3:42

How much time have we each spent trying to get clear about our motivation in relation to something and just can't get clear about it, can't get to a point of where we know what we think or feel about it? I've got mixed feelings about that, we'll hear. Or well, I don't know what to make of that, not sure how I feel about that. Well, I'm conflicted about that. And again, that's a natural part of being human, because that's part of our intellectual capability, our cognitive capability, which is the capacity to weigh up different impressions, ideas, thought, forms, hypotheses, philosophical aspects of the situation, so that we can try to come to the best conclusion possible, so we can make a decision before moving on.

Speaker 1: 4:33

Ultimately, all data is there. Well, it's there for its own reason, but the reason we want and need data is so we can make choices. So the reason we try and understand people's motivations is so we can make choices. So the reason we try and understand people's motivations is so we can make choices. However, unfortunately, some of us get so into trying to read other people's motivations that we can actually go a little bit mad and we can get into a kind of a pastime of trying to analyze and read other people's motivations in situations where it's absolutely pointless for us to do it. One of the examples and now this is my point of view on this this is not truth. Okay, this is my point of view.

Speaker 1: 5:24

Sometimes, if people are arguing about political figures and arguing about the motivations of those political figures, sometimes, in my opinion, there's no purpose to that in terms of gathering data that's required for making decisions. So, for example, I'm in the UK, I'm British, I'm not in the US. So if I started getting into a big argument about, let's say, donald Trump or Joe Biden, one of those people let's say Donald Trump or Joe Biden, one of those people and started trying to analyze their motivations, started trying to get to the bottom of what really makes them tick, what really matters to them, is that information going to provide data for me to make decisions? Very probably not. Given who I am, what I'm doing for a living, what I'm doing with my time, my particular lifestyle, it doesn't actually add tangible value to my life. Now, that said, it could add value in the sense of being an intellectual exercise which is stretching me or, in terms of me, trying to understand more fully things that are going on in another country. There are ways in which it could be of value to me, but there's no immediate value in terms of my day-to-day life, there's no immediate requirement or necessity for me to do that.

Speaker 1: 6:59

Isn't it interesting, then, that so many of us spend so much time arguing, analysing, putting forward opinions about motivations the motivations of people who do not affect our lives, people whose decisions do not affect us directly or, if they're going to affect us in some way, not for a long time and not very directly, a lot less directly than all sorts of other things that are happening. So if you're someone who really enjoys talking about political figures and analyzing them and analyzing their motivations, I'm not saying you shouldn't do that at all. What I'm saying is that some of us get into doing that in a way which is not healthy for us, in a way which distracts us from actually being in the present moment in our actual lives and pulls us into putting a lot of energy into trying to make assumptions and prove them and argue them about something which doesn't make any difference for us in our own lives. In other words, in those cases I'm calling it a displacement activity. It's an activity which gives us an out from being in our own lives. So if this fits for you, you'll know it fits for you, and if it doesn't fit for you, it doesn't fit for you, and I'm well aware that this doesn't fit for everybody.

Speaker 1: 8:35

I've noticed it particularly in the last few years, because I think that the noise of it has got louder, and one of the reasons for that is because a lot of people have been triggered or reactivated or thrown out of sync with themselves through a lot of the experiences during the virus years, and one reaction or response to that is to start to look outside and try and find an enemy. Who's the enemy? I'm feeling terrible. Whose fault is it? Again, this is a natural part of the human condition in our tribal situation, our natural tribal situation. If we're feeling terrible, we need to try and find the cause, because we need to try and protect ourselves and protect our tribe. But that's in the tribe. Nowadays we are party to information about people way on the other side of the planet. What they're doing and why they're doing it doesn't affect us for the most part. So if we are looking for enemies on the other side of the world. What are we doing? Why are we doing that?

Speaker 1: 10:00

Now, you might be somebody where that is part of what you do, it's part of what you need to do, it's part of your job, it's part of your mission Great. But again, you will know if that's true or not. You will know if you are looking for enemies outside of you, out of a displacement motivation of trying to escape from your own distress, your own reactivation, your own triggering, because I think we all know that if we are triggered, the most powerful thing to do is to look within and ask ourselves what is it in me that's being triggered? Is there a trauma from before that's being reactivated? Is there an aspect of me that's being reactivated that I am not comfortable with? Why am I being triggered? Let's ask ourselves that question, and I suppose in this episode, what I'm doing is I'm putting out a call for us to be more conscious about this in ourselves and in others.

Speaker 1: 11:00

If you have somebody who you live with or who you love, who you sense is doing what I'm talking about, what can you do? Well, you can't really do anything, because that's what they want to do. That's what they want to do. But what you can refrain from is getting drawn in. You can refrain from getting drawn into looking for the enemy or agreeing about who the enemy is. You can see if you can try to pedal back from that little bit. Roll back from that little bit and say to yourself where's this coming from? Am I being reactivated? Is this other person being reactivated? How can we come back into the present moment, the present moment being here, we are together. We love each other. Surely that's more important than the fact that somebody on the other side of the world is not a nice person.

Speaker 1: 11:57

So I've got a bit of a bias about this. I've got a bit of a bee in my bonnet about this at the moment, because I think we've got plenty to do without wasting our energy and I think that when we are able to really explore our own triggering, we are able to then make free choices about where we put our energy. And then, if we want to think about what's happening on the other side of the world, of course, why not explore it? But if we're doing it as displacement activity to try to escape from the fact that we've got some sort of inner conflict or distress going on, then that's not productive and that's not effective. We may need to vent about it for a bit, we may need to stand up and shout about it for a bit, but then let's come back to ourselves and say what's going on with me Before we then look out.

Speaker 1: 12:50

And, by the way, when we look out after asking that question, the world does look different and we do not see nearly as many enemies out there when we've come home to ourselves, and then we can make choices. We can decide am I going to put energy into exploring this information and what's going on, or am I going to not? How am I going to be discerning about that? So thank you very much for listening and watching, have a fantastic week and I'll see you next time. Thank you for listening to Truth and Transcendence and thank you for supporting the show by rating, reviewing, subscribing, buying me a coffee and telling a friend. If you'd like to know more about my work, you can find out about transformational coaching, pellewa and the Freedom of Spirit workshop on beingspaceworld. Have a wonderful week and I'll see you next time.