Ep 134: Brian Biro ~ Breakthrough ~ From Fear To Love

Have you ever stood at the edge of a breakthrough, feeling the pulse of new possibilities yet restrained by the chains of fear and the familiar?  Brian Biro, America's breakthrough speaker, guides us through the transformative landscapes of personal growth. We explore the intricacies of intentional breakthroughs - moving from fear to love - from the shackles of external validation towards the freedom of authenticity.

We share how approval-seeking patterns can anchor and limit us, and the liberating realisation that joy blossoms in the relinquishing of such needs.  Our conversation traverses the significance of storytelling and leadership, drawing parallels between the philosophies of legendary coaches and the profound impacts these narratives have on personal transformation.

Join us to tune into the power of purpose, the resonance of metaphors, and the transformative ability of being fully presents. We celebrate the wisdom of Victor Frankl and the lessons from the sports arena that shape our character and leadership. Hear how embracing one's own narrative is both a personal triumph and a universal connection, binding us in the collective human experience.  Each moment, each breakthrough, a step towards the person we are becoming—this is the essence of individual and collective expansion.

Where to find Brian:
https://www.brianbiro.com

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

Truth and Transcendence, brought to you by being Space with Catherine Llewellyn. Truth and Transcendence, episode 134, with special guest Brian Byrode. If you haven't come across Brian, he is America's breakthrough speaker. Brian has delivered nearly 1,900 presentations around the world in the past 33 years. With degrees from Stanford University and UCLA, brian has appeared on Good Morning America, cnn and as a featured speaker at the Disney Institute in Orlando. The author of 16 books, including his new Lessons from the Legends, and Best Seller Beyond Success, brian was recently named one of the top 10 interactive speakers in North America and one of the top 60 motivational speakers in the world, which is pretty impressive.

Speaker 1: 1:12

So why did I invite Brian onto the show? I think it's obvious from what I've just said. But in addition to that, I find Brian hugely inspiring and he brings a wealth of experience on the ground, helping people create breakthroughs in all areas of life. So he doesn't just talk about breakthrough, he actually facilitates it. Many of us could do with some optimism at the moment, and Brian brings this in spades. So, brian, thank you so much for coming on the show.

Speaker 2: 1:44

It's my complete joy and pleasure, catherine. Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1: 1:48

My pleasure too. So we talked about breakthrough as a theme, and I think this is a really interesting theme. We used to talk about breakthrough a lot back in the 80s and everyone meant something different by it back in those days, and Brian's going to tell us what he means by it today. I always think of breakthrough as something about transitioning from where we are into somewhere we didn't think was necessarily possible. It's something significantly different and I think for a lot of people in the world at the moment, that would be a really welcome thing. There's disputes and conflicts going on, there are people who are just having a difficult time, there are people who are just exhausted and worn out. There are all sorts of circumstances where breakthrough could actually be a great thing if it's not too painful and costly, perhaps, to actually do it. Because that's always the thing you say breakthrough and people think leave me alone.

Speaker 2: 2:51

That sounds like.

Speaker 1: 2:51

I'm going to have to go through trauma. So I think it's an interesting theme and I'm really excited to have you here, brian, to talk about it, because I know you've been working with it very consistently and very deeply for quite some years. So can I just kick off straight away with my favorite initial question, which is, if you cast your mind back, can you remember when, the first time that you realized that the notion of a concept of breakthrough was important to you and interesting to you?

Speaker 2: 3:28

Well, that is a lovely and expansive question, I would say. I think that what I would answer is that it's always been in my core that breakthroughs are the greatest thing in life. When we break through and there's really only one breakthrough when you get right down to it they're all the same in their foundation we break through from fear to love. That's it. Every breakthrough is some form of moving beyond fear to one side of love, or you can call it love or faith, Probably the one that sticks out the most. It's pretty early now because, after having done 1900 presentations, that'll tell you I'm old. I've been around a lot You're not old, Brian but the breakthrough that, I think, really caused me to pivot the most in the direction of having it be in my life's passion to help people make breakthroughs not only possible in their lives but, more importantly, planable was the most influential one in my own life.

Speaker 2: 4:29

When I was 21 years old, I was a senior in college and that was the lowest point in my life, in a way, For a reason that most people would not have seen it. At that point in my life I was jealous of the people around me who were in relationships. I was not in a relationship. I was lost in not knowing what I wanted to do with my life. I was going to a very prestigious university, Stanford University. I had done pretty well there, but I never felt good enough.

Speaker 2: 5:01

I realized that my whole life I had sought this incomprehensible, uncontrollable obsession to be the best at whatever I did in life. Like a lot of people my age. Part of that came from my upbringing. I had a tough dad. He's one of my dearest friends in the world now he's going to be 93 soon. When I was young he couldn't really tell me he loved me. He really couldn't tell me he was proud of me. He couldn't give me a hug. He was from a different age and I was starved for his approval. Growing up and that turned into an internal drive that said maybe if I'm great at something, maybe if I'm great in school or in sports or both, maybe then I'll be good enough, Maybe then he'll love me, Maybe then he'll be proud of me, Maybe then I'll hug. When you have this insatiable drive and hunger to receive approval, you'll never have enough.

Speaker 2: 5:59

My whole life I had been focused on trying to be the best, as if that was something real. What is the best. The breakthrough that hit me at that lowest moment in my life was one word, and the way that I chose to live my life from that point on. Before that moment, I was trying to be the best. At that moment of self-reflection, moving from total fear, where I almost thought I would be happier to take my own life, I switched to a desire to become my best. From the best to my best, one word breakthrough completely transformed my life. Before that, I was no fun to play with. I had to win, I had to beat you. After that, I just started focusing on enjoying being the best of which I was capable. In that moment, the switch from the best to my best was the one that made me realize there is nothing more influential, nothing more magnificent, nothing more fun than breakthroughs, that breakthroughs can be as simple as one word can transform a life.

Speaker 1: 7:12

Wow, what a fantastic story. I think we've done the episode now, brian. There we go. I love how you're so open in the way that you just explained that whole path that you traveled around, that insight, around the approval you wanted from your father.

Speaker 2: 7:35

So many people live their life with a need for approval. That is a dangerous thing. There's two needs that, once you release them, you will find greater joy, you will actually perform better, you will have way more fun and people will be more magnetically attracted to you. That's the let go of the need for approval and the need to control other people, both of which you have no control over. The need for approval.

Speaker 2: 8:07

In my professional speaking career, I had a breakthrough. That really was the same kind of a thing. You can't learn these lessons multiple times. I think. When I first started speaking, like most speakers, part of it was to be loved, to receive adulation, to get the standing ovations, to read the evaluations where they said, oh, you changed my life. One day I was sitting in the St Louis airport and when I finished speaking in those days I was exhausted. I have a person. I have a lot of energy my wife sometimes thinks maybe a bit too much, but a lot of energy. At the end of these events, I was so worn out that I was almost bone tired. In those days the first thing I did when I finished speaking was try to get off by myself. I didn't want to interact with them.

Speaker 2: 8:57

Read the evaluations of my presentation, because my presentations are a lot of fun, they're very interactive. If I had 100 people meaning I would say wonderful, tremendous, a plus yay. One would say pretty good. The only one I paid attention to was the pretty good. It was like a knife going in my heart.

Speaker 2: 9:18

I was sitting in the airport and this realization hit me that I was speaking to try to receive approval. Then I asked myself is that really why I do what I do? I realized no. The reason I love to speak is because the way I feel when I'm speaking, that it's all about this feeling that I'm doing what I'm on this earth to do, a feeling of incredible fulfillment. From that day on, I never, ever, ever asked for or read evaluations. People would give you input. That's really what they're for. The rest of it is just a popularity contest.

Speaker 2: 9:57

That, coincidentally, after that, every event I did I finished. I felt energized rather than crushed and beaten down. When you let go, that was letting go of the need for approval. What I do now is I appreciate the approval, I appreciate the kind remarks, but I don't do it as my central motivation. I do it because I love what I'm doing. I kid about it, but it's the gospel truth. When I'm on stage, I'm 25 years old. When I get off stage, I'm 69 again, but on stage I am 25. That feeling is more than enough. That's the only approval. That matters is the internal feeling that you're doing something that you have a passion for.

Speaker 1: 10:43

Yeah, that's a great insight as well, isn't it that we can have a breakthrough like the one you had when you were 21, about approval, and yet we still have that capacity to need to be reminded again, I really do.

Speaker 2: 10:59

One of the greatest things about being a professional speaker is I get to remind myself, constantly telling the stories of the things. Many of my stories are stories about my ineptitude or when I did something that I needed to learn from, and so I get to remind myself and yet we do that, and not to beat yourself up about it either is to recognize that inch by inch. You know anything's a cinch, and sometimes we may go a little bit down before we go back up, and yet within every adversity is planted the seed of an equivalent of greater benefit. In other words, isn't it interesting that the toughest things we made our way through, so along the way they may have been painful when we get to the other side, aren't they the very things from which we learn the most? And so to recognize that is to begin to. Maybe you'll make the same mistake, but you'll learn from it a little bit faster and it'll become a little bit more who you are rather than what you strive to do.

Speaker 1: 11:59

Yeah, yeah, so you're embodying it. I'm really curious. You know that transition and breakthrough that you had when you were in 2021, you described what it was like before the breakthrough and what it was like after the breakthrough. I'm really curious how did the breakthrough happen, or do you even know how the breakthrough happened?

Speaker 2: 12:22

Well, I do. It was, as I mentioned. At that point in time I was really, really feeling down about things. I shouldn't, when you look, step back and say why was I down about my friends being in wonderful relationships? I should be joyous and I knew this up here. But down in here I was aching because out of jealousy, out of comparison, and so I drove off behind Stanford University in my VW van and pulled to the side of the road and for a while I beat myself up about being petty and jealous. And then I started to write and get beyond the beating up phase and that's when I realized that you know what I had, how I spent my entire life seeking outside approval, and I'd never seen it that clearly before and I saw it not in my head. You know, when things are in your head, you never notice. There's a lot of holes in our head. Stuff falls out. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 13:27

It's got to get in your bloodstream, it's got to get in your heart to where it never leaves you, and that's what happened. That day is I moved from? Oh, I know this too. I deeply understand this now, and that's what I realized that I had been living my whole life with the need for approval and it was instantaneous to switch. It was instantaneous.

Speaker 1: 13:51

So you're going off by yourself into nature? Were you camping or were you just parked up somewhere?

Speaker 2: 13:57

I was just parked by the side of a river by myself it was I actually wondered if I was going there to end my life when, I started and that's not an easy thing to tell people as a motivational speaker, but it was the truth and you know, deep down inside I love life and I love people. But I needed to have that experience to transform, to transform to trans, trans, trans grow is a word I would use for it to move in a direction that has changed my entire life since that time.

Speaker 1: 14:34

Beautiful Thank you. It's so helpful sometimes hearing that peace in the middle. You know where the shift happened Because I can now imagine you in your feed up when you van beside the river off by yourself. I don't know the countryside there because I'm not very familiar with the states, but you know I'm imagining you there just being by yourself, because people have breakthroughs in different ways, don't they?

Speaker 2: 15:00

They really do.

Speaker 1: 15:01

And for you it was that, reaching that point of almost I'm going to pull a plug, and then something switching within you and you said you were writing. Was this like writing in a journal, or something like that?

Speaker 2: 15:18

Exactly, it was journaling. It was the first time I'd really journaled in my life. I wrote pages and pages. After that, it was like as soon as I recognized that switch from the best to my best, it was as if I lightened up. Everything started to shine again, everything started to blossom again, because I wasn't trying to get. I was beginning to love the joy of giving instead. I'll tell you another one of those breakthroughs You've just hit me.

Speaker 2: 15:47

One, and this is the one that was shared with another person, is my youngest daughter. Her name is Jenna, and when Jenna was 23 years old, she had graduated from the University of Georgia, was in Hollywood making movies. She had studied film and a tragedy hit and that the man that she was about to become engaged to, who she was madly in love with, was found dead from a drug overdose. He was back in Georgia, she was in California, and it tore her apart. She was 23 years old, so many thoughts going on in her mind. Well, as a dad who adores his daughters, I wanted to fix it. That's the other need we talked about. It's the need for approval, the need to control other people. I wanted to fix it. I was so.

Speaker 2: 16:40

It was a dark time. It was a tough time. She went into a darkness that she'd never known before. She was a very emotional young woman I worried about. Would she be okay? I worried, would she ever be? Would she ever recover from this? I started to wonder what had I done wrong as a dad that she couldn't recover, that she couldn't help her through this?

Speaker 2: 17:04

And then one day, in the midst of this darkness, I was with her and I teach the ultimate breakthrough is to move from fear to love. And yet I was living my life about my daughter in total fear. Would she ever be the same? What did I do wrong as a father? Would she hurt herself? All these different thoughts. And I was alone with her and we had always had a magnificent relationship. It was fun and joyous and respectful.

Speaker 2: 17:39

And I'm sitting here at my desk and there's a card from her and says, dad, I said I can't. You said try again. I said it's too hard. And you said don't give up. I mean that was the. We had this magic, but it was caught in the darkness. And she said, dad, I love you, but I can't stand you worrying about me all the time.

Speaker 2: 18:02

Now, the truth was I wasn't worrying about her all the time, but I was worrying about her a thousand times more than I'd ever worried about her before. And in that instant was a breakthrough, because in that instant she made me open my eyes. She helped me open my eyes to the fact that the man who teaches breakthrough fear was focusing completely on fear. And in that instant the breakthrough made me realize you know, she's bright, she's going to figure this out. It may take time, but she's going to be happy again. It made me step back and say I did the best I could as a dad.

Speaker 2: 18:39

You know where there are things I would change, maybe a few, but overall she knew she was loved and she made me most of all, realize that I couldn't fix this, I couldn't control another person and make her better, but I could control me and I could begin to be goofball dad again, always telling stupid jokes that she went. Oh, I could still look at her and instead of seeing fear in her, if, seeing the fears, I could look at her and see all I adore about her, I could see all that I admire about her. I could see her wisdom and brilliance and strength and power that she would come through this thing and I'm not kidding Catherine instantly, in that moment, our relationship began to shift back to the joy we have always had. Today she's shining bright. It took a long, it took a while, it took a while through, but I know that our relationship began to heal instantly in that moment of breakthrough. So some of them are alone and some of them can be with another person, you know, becoming that spark that can ignite you.

Speaker 1: 19:46

Yeah, beautiful. I also really feel the need to say you know, the fact that she was able to turn around and say that to you does suggest to me that you were not a terrible dad. You know what I mean? Yes, I do. My daughter just said this to me. I didn't mess up everything in that case.

Speaker 2: 20:11

That is so true and sometimes, you know, we don't see the very things that we believe in when we're caught up in the power of fear. But on the other side, as I said, is joy and is love and is faith, and that shift actually transforms your physical being. You feel lighter. There was a book that was written called Power vs Force and it's a book. It's a difficult book to read. It's like a textbook in a way. When you read it's not an easy, flowing, fun read. The essence of it is that the writer spent 25 years measuring the frequency of emotions, that we're electrical beings, that we have, that every emotion carries with it a vibration or a frequency, and the highest vibration of all emotions is gratitude. But when you're in gratitude you cannot feel a negative emotion because the vibration overpowers that lower vibrating negative emotion. And that's what happens when you choose love over fear is all the loving emotions, at the peak of which is gratitude, transform your physical energy, your emotional energy, your spiritual energy, your mental energy and create a transformation.

Speaker 1: 21:38

I love that. So how does he actually measure the vibrations?

Speaker 2: 21:42

Well, he used muscle testing.

Speaker 1: 21:45

Oh, right yeah.

Speaker 2: 21:47

He did an enormous amount of data, Muscle testing. Muscle testing something many chiropractic doctors use, where they have you hold something in a hand and test your muscle strength, and so that's how he used the. That's what he used to create the information and compile the data.

Speaker 1: 22:09

Amazing, wonderful work.

Speaker 2: 22:11

Yeah, tremendous, but he needs a little work on his writing, but it's worth it. Got to read each paragraph like seven times. Okay, I got that one. I'll move to the next paragraph.

Speaker 1: 22:22

So maybe the editing needs working.

Speaker 2: 22:23

Yes, there you go.

Speaker 1: 22:26

Someone told me that anyone can write, but not everybody can edit.

Speaker 2: 22:32

I love that.

Speaker 1: 22:32

That's beautiful, I thought it was very encouraging, actually.

Speaker 2: 22:35

It really was.

Speaker 1: 22:36

So I think we can't write. It also really strikes me in both those situations you described, there was like an instant switch that you experienced and I think I think a lot of us have had moments where we experienced something happen instantly. Well, when I say we, we notice it and it feels like it was instant. Whether or not it really was instant and we just suddenly noticed it, we just don't know, but it feels like it was instant. But we don't all then run with it from there and we'll have a thing like that and then we'll just, you know, go and get drunk and forget about it and then it's gone right. But with you, with those two examples, that didn't happen With you, it really connected and you ran with it. Do you have any kind of particular quality, do you think, in the kind of person that you are, that contributed to the fact that when these things happened, you ran with it and kind of didn't look back?

Speaker 2: 23:38

Well, I think that everyone can run with it, and I think there's times we all do run with those things. What I think is that those moments plant seeds. What we do with it will determine how much that sprouts. But I think the common denominator and why I think it's nothing special about me, but special about all of us, the common denominator is the power of purpose. These were both areas of my life that were so. I had so much passion about my family, and moving from the best to my best was again the first realization I had of a lifetime of pursuing a direction that it was such a phenomenally important topic to me and an incredibly important transformation, a big one. And I think all of us have that opportunity. When we have something of power, the power of purpose, that's when we find our greatest strength.

Speaker 2: 24:45

Probably the greatest book of all time to really understand the power of purpose was a book called Man's Search for Meaning, written by Victor Frankel.

Speaker 2: 24:53

You're probably familiar with it.

Speaker 2: 24:55

Victor Frankel was one of the 20th century's leading psychiatrists, psychologists, along with Sigmund Freud, who was probably the most famous, but he was imprisoned in a concentration camp, a Nazi concentration camp, auschwitz, perhaps the most horrible of them all, and the book is full of magnificent pearls of wisdom that he discovered, from the worst in humanity to man.

Speaker 2: 25:25

But the most powerful of all findings was what he said in essence was if you would have lined up all the people who were going into Auschwitz before they went in and then were able to see what they would have to endure and you were to ask who would survive and who would not, he said you would probably look for the wrong thing. He said you would probably look for their physical stamina, their health, their physical qualities. He said the people who survived were those that had a purpose left undone. They had a child they had to get back to, they had work that they felt only they must complete. And it was that seed of inspiration that made me realize that if you're not inspired, then you're expired. And truly I think that the key ingredient in those two breakthroughs for me was the level of inspiration, and we all have that available to us and when it's strong enough, we will follow through.

Speaker 1: 26:28

Yeah, that makes perfect. Thank you so much, because, as we're going through this and I'm following your story, these questions come through Okay, well, what was the linking point there for that? This is really, really helpful and revealing. So you then came out of university after you were 21. You'd had this extraordinary shift. How did things progress from there to end up with you being a breakthrough speaker and working with other people on breakthrough?

Speaker 2: 27:02

Well, I've had three really wonderful careers and the career that emerged from that breakthrough from the best of my best. My first career I was a United States swimming coach, so I was working with young athletes to rise to their potential. You don't coach swimming, you coach people Right. And I think that what happened was that shift in me really, really manifested and came alive and was reinforced every day as a coach, because I coached not to try to beat other people. I coached that success is peace of mind. It comes from knowing you've given the best of what you're capable, that what we're focusing on is being our best. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 27:48

That's the best we can do, and so that some of the athletes are blessed with perhaps more natural swimming talent. Some are blessed with incredible determination and not as much swimming talent. Some have different qualities, but all what we're trying to do is help them move closer to their individual potential within the context of a team. So I spent eight years as a United States swimming coach. I had an incredible run. My team grew from a little tiny team to the largest private team in America. I had all kinds of cool things happen. We did wonderful things. 44 of my kids are in full college scholarships but it really was a manifestation of moving from the best to my best, and it was a great training ground to be a public speaker, because their heads are in the water, so they're going to hear you. You have to speak pretty loud, but really truly, as I say, you coach swimming less than you coach people. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 28:49

It's helping them to really develop faith in themselves, helping them learn to deal with success and failure with the same grace and the same determination. And so a lot of the things that I teach including many of the stories that I tell, because stories are at the heart of speaking really grew out of that first career. And it's interesting the funny thing is is I would probably still be a swimming coach except for the next lesson and breakthrough I had to have in my life, and that was as a swimming coach. My team grew so much I had no life. All I knew myself was my career. I knew myself as a coach and I ran from anything but being a coach. I had no relationships, I had no chance for a family and I consumed myself in the nice, warm blanket of where I was comfortable, a comfort zone called coaching.

Speaker 2: 29:45

But here's the truth Comfort zones can very readily become confinement zones, and my coaching was a confinement zone to keep me from really knowing who I was outside of coaching. And so I'm probably the only person you've ever interviewed or known who went to graduate school to get an MBA, to get a life instead of a job. And I did, and I did. That's when I, my wife and I, met each other and fell in love. That's when I got in really wonderful physical conditions, started running, ran marathons, not to try to race anybody, but for the joy it brought me to expand myself both physically. I used it as percolator time, and so the second, the next breakthrough was the breakthrough to understand no one could be loved until they let themselves be seen and no one could be seen until they learned to love themselves. That was the breakthrough where I began to say you know, brian, you're an okay guy and be at peace with myself, not only in my profession but as a human being.

Speaker 1: 30:51

Would you mind just repeating that, that thing about being loved and seen, because it's very strong.

Speaker 2: 30:58

No one can be loved until they let themselves be seen. No one can be seen until they learn to love themselves.

Speaker 1: 31:05

Thank you, that's beautiful, really beautiful.

Speaker 2: 31:09

Thank you, thank you. And that was really the essence of that that second breakthrough into my second career. As I went into the corporate world and it had become a vice president of two large corporations at which I discovered I was in the industry of transportation. I didn't give a hoot about transportation. If I was in a dental office and there were 10 magazines and nine of them were transportation and one was anything else, including knitting. I would pick up the anything else.

Speaker 2: 31:41

But what I discovered was I love people and that the very powerful lessons that I had learned as a coach from the mistakes I made and from the things that went great were just as applicable in the business world. And that's when I started doing team building in our own organization and at the peak of an incredible turnaround in our organization that really stemmed from that team building, I said to my wife we're doing great, let's quit. I need to go out and do this. I need to go out and teach team building and personal leadership. And that led to this 33 year career so far, which I hope will keep going for a long time.

Speaker 1: 32:20

Amazing, all breakthroughs. It sounds like the teaching that you've been doing in various forms primarily comes from your own experience, rather than from a training course where you were taught how to do it. Is that correct?

Speaker 2: 32:37

It truly is. I think that I've read a lot and gone to programs, and all of those are valuable. One concept or idea, but that can change your whole direction in your life, and so I'm appreciative of all of that. But until I take that information and apply it, it's not gonna be real for me, and so it's the application that creates the personal stories that give you the breakthroughs. That's what I've tried to build into my speaking. It's why I believe when we hear, we forget. When we see, we're more likely to remember. But it's when we do that we understand. And so even in my speaking, I'm called America's breakthrough speaker, because I have people break boards karate style at the end of the event, and it's not just for the fun of it, but what's very fun. It's a meaningful metaphor. That cause because I have everyone right on the board is something they wanna break through in their life A limit, fear, obstacle, habit or doubt. And then I have them envision, and right on the other side of the board, what's waiting for me when I have broken through?

Speaker 1: 33:43

That's what many people don't do.

Speaker 2: 33:44

All we do is look at the obstacle and not what's on the other side, at the breakthrough. Yes.

Speaker 2: 33:51

And so I have people do this so that they apply what we've learned up to in the program for real, to create a breakthrough that is mind, body and spirit. You see, because the beautiful thing about the breaking the boards is you don't know you can do it until you do it. And isn't that what breakthroughs are in life? We don't know we can do it until we get in the game and try. Yes, that's why I'm calling America's Breakthrough Speaker. I've had about a million people break boards with me and those breakthroughs are real. They're mind, body and spirit. I've had people write me 25 years after breaking the board about how that moment of applying what they learned adjusted the trajectory of their life, not just professionally but personally. And I know that's because of that application piece you just asked about is that it's when it becomes our own experience, that it becomes genuinely real, that we truly understand.

Speaker 1: 34:54

Fantastic, and of course I've never done the breaking the board thing, but I can only imagine that when you've done it, that memory is in your body as well, isn't it?

Speaker 2: 35:03

It truly is. People leave with the board. To me it's the greatest combination individual and team experience you'll ever have in an event. Again, the individual part starts with the meaning and that people give it a meaning. I've had people bring their families back together from this. I've had people transform the way that they approached fighting cancer and beat cancer. I've had people forgive someone they never thought they would forgive and finally, as soon as you forgive, you realize not forgiving is drinking a giant glass of poison and expecting them to die. It releases you, it frees you. So that's the first part of the individual essence of that breakthrough experience that stays with you.

Speaker 2: 35:41

Here's the second part. If I have 500 people in an event, we would start with 50 circles of 10 people each who are breaking boards in a circle. So if you are breaking a board in your circle, catherine, the nine other people are going. Catherine, catherine, catherine. Music is pounding, clapping, going on. Some people have never been cheered for in their life and for them to feel that cheering and unconditional support in that moment, that's their breakthrough to recognize that I didn't know what that felt like. The team part is equally powerful, because there's something about the. Maybe it's that they're all in it together, that even more introspective, quiet, shy people. They're cheering Catherine, catherine. In those moments, all of that's gone. They are cheering with every ounce of their spirit. And the last part of the team element is really, I think, the most beautiful key to teamwork and that's why I can describe it.

Speaker 2: 36:43

The best day of my life was my daughter's wedding day, and it was for something I could never have imagined or understood until I experienced it, and that was for a good six hours on her wedding night. I didn't think of myself once. All I could do is think of her. They tell me that I was laughing and crying at the same time. I don't remember. All I remember was her. And when those nine other people in your circle are saying, are going, catherine, catherine, catherine, they get to feel, in those moments of cheering you on, the way I felt for my daughter. It moved from ego to ego completely and cause all of their passion and support is for another human being, and that's when you really understand how the best thing about being human is. We'll do more for others than we'll do for ourselves.

Speaker 1: 37:32

Yeah, so that's love, isn't it?

Speaker 2: 37:35

It really, truly is. It truly is. And then when they leave, as you said, when they leave that experience they've applied what they've learned. They have this wooden board, broken in half, with something that has great meaning to them written on them. Some put them up in their rooms, but they always have that anchor inside, Because what I tell them is that the next time that you face your life's bore, remember what it felt like to step forward, remember how important was to look beyond the obstacle, to look at the breakthrough, and it will have as much fit to that real life board as it did to this wooden board.

Speaker 1: 38:17

Ah right, so when they're addressing the bore, they're actually looking beyond it to the breakthrough they've got written up.

Speaker 2: 38:25

That's 95% of the breaking through the instant that they do, and I often tell people, when people don't break the board in the first attempt, I say they're the lucky ones, because if they broke it on the second or the third attempt, it's the same board and it's the same person, which means they could have broken it the first time, but they changed something. They changed something in the way that they broke through and whatever that was, it is uncanny, catherine, how accurate it is to what they will. If they will apply it in their real life, it will be the exact thing they must change. Most of the time, it's looking beyond the obstacle. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 39:08

Sometimes it's just hesitating and that self doubt. At that moment, rather than, as I like to playfully say, just before us gunk just you feel like run and go, run, don't hesitate, go for it. But it's uncanny how incredibly accurate it is that that little shift that'll cause you to move beyond the board will have the same impact in your life. And when people break the board, they're astonished Because it feels like they broke through a piece of paper. Yeah. And that same board. When they didn't break it felt like a board.

Speaker 1: 39:39

That's very powerful. That thing of something has to shift and then it does shift. Then they know they could have done it before. I think the other thing you were saying about focusing on the problem and I think I've certainly done that often and probably will do again, and a lot of us do that Then we get to have a lot of we're so conditioned to do it.

Speaker 2: 40:02

Yeah, media, much of media is all about the problem it's all about assigning blame.

Speaker 2: 40:09

But blame really is not a very valuable thing in our lives. In fact, it's the most destructive word in the language of teams, families and lives. For a very simple, practical reason. Why blame has no value? Because, if you think about blame in the context of time, is blame about the past, the present or the future? It's always about the past. So whenever you're in blame, where are you? You're in the past. Can you do anything about the past? No, you can learn from it. That's the one thing you can do. So when you come from that place of getting beyond the obstacle, the thing you want to blame and start to look for what you want. What you focus on is what you create. So if you focus on the obstacle, you create the obstacle. You focus on the breakthrough, you move towards the breakthrough.

Speaker 1: 41:03

Yeah, yeah. How long did it take you to come up with this particular structure that you now have when you're working with people?

Speaker 2: 41:12

Well, I think it's a lifetime journey. I think some of the things that I did as a coach coaching taught me that when you add the physical component, it was mind, body and spirit the adhesion of that, that, the adherence of that lesson, is a thousand times more powerful because you felt it in every one of your 60 trillion cells. So, having had a background in coaching, in a sport, which is some people think is a physical activity and it's true, but it's very much a spiritual activity, it's very much a team activity, it's very much a mental activity and emotional activity, but it's the combination so that planted the seeds that, as I began to do this work, I wanted a physical component, because I believe that that synergy of mind, body and spirit amplifies learning a thousandfold. Yeah, and I think the other component of what I do is the power of stories.

Speaker 2: 42:17

There was a study that was done by Forbes, the big business magazine, in 2016. And what they were? The study was trying to determine what is the relative difference between delivering information as information, as data, and delivering information or a lesson or a principle via a story. So you're trying to teach the same information, but one is just the data and one is a story. They found it was 22 times more powerful to receive a lesson via a story than via information. Now, that is in percentages, that's 2,200%. That is a big number and this is something I've always known.

Speaker 2: 43:04

Without that data, but in a sense that stories connect and what actually happens, there's a thing called neural coupling. That happens with stories, and what happens is our brains actually light up in such an amazing way when we tell and hear a story. A group from Spain did what they're called functional MRIs and they measured what happens in the brain when we tell a story. And what happens is it lights up every part of the brain With data. All it lights up are two segments of the brain. With stories, it's our senses, it's our memory, it's our vocabulary everything lights up. But the fascinating part, catherine, is that from that initial study of measuring what happens when we tell a story, another group came along and also measured the person listening to the story and they found that the brains light up in perfect mirror images of each other.

Speaker 2: 44:05

So a story creates this phenomenon called neural coupling and we've all had it, which is we probably had it on your podcast today, where I'm telling a story from my experience and pretty soon it's not my story anymore, it's your story. You see your loved ones you see your breakthroughs, you see your life, and that can only come from the power of stories. Yes, because I'm imagining it, I'm picturing it.

Speaker 1: 44:35

And then I'm noticing what that feels like to picture it and how I then feel about the idea, and it's like a multifaceted experience with a story. Of course, human beings were telling each other stories before they were doing anything else, weren't they? Before they were writing numbers before numbers, I'm sure we were telling stories. So it's obviously something about the way our brain works, isn't it that stories really it truly is.

Speaker 2: 45:03

It truly is, and that was the actual physical proof. Was this study that showed how much of our brains actually ignite, that come into activity via a story? It's a wonderful, wonderful subject and I can see it. When I'm speaking, I tell a story about one of my favorite stories, about one of the swimmers I coached. It's called the Allison story and so we can't do it on this show because it's 42 minutes long. But it is a story of transformation, of a young woman who didn't believe in herself, and it was really a transformation of me as a coach who taught her not to believe in herself.

Speaker 2: 45:44

By the way, I looked at her, I loved her, I cared about her, I wanted the best for her, but I kept saying things like one of these days, allison, you're not going to die in your race. And if I say to you, don't think of the number three, what happens? Three jumps in your head yeah. So for many years, I, more than anyone, was teaching her to fear and teaching her to fail. One day, after eight years of coaching her, I shifted from saying to her, one of these days, you're not going to die, trying to be inspiring, to Allison, I want you to finish your race today. The way you just did that warm-up sprint, you are amazing. Remember how great it felt? Well, she obliterated her personal best. She ignited our entire team to move to an incredible triumph that we didn't even think was possible and she transformed the way she saw herself and she transformed the way that I saw myself. That kind of breakthrough.

Speaker 2: 46:47

I tell that story and as I tell it, I see everybody in their lives seeing their Allison's and that they realize Allison is sitting in their chair, that we've all had those moments of that breakthrough from fear to freedom, from failure to faith, from ego to ego and from good to great.

Speaker 1: 47:05

Beautiful. And the other thing that really strikes me talking to you is, I think, a lot of people a focus on the problem, which, of course, as you've described, doesn't work, but also, I think a lot of people focus on an outcome that they want, but they want it without having to go through the breakthrough experience. But what you're doing is you are valuing the breakthrough experience in and of itself. That's the result almost that you're focusing on, because you know that when that happens, the outcome will be what the person wants it to be. So you're focusing on where the work is happening, where the change is happening, rather than just focusing on yeah, I want three cars, but I don't want to have to do the work to get the money. I don't want to look after my finances properly and I don't want to look for a property that's got a massive garage you know whatever it is you know.

Speaker 1: 48:04

I just want the result, without any effort.

Speaker 2: 48:06

Absolutely. I mean that's and that without that effort there's really no breakthrough. You know I tell people that do I want you to break your board Absolutely. Does that determine your breakthrough success today? Absolutely not, because the second you step forward, that's the breakthrough. And yes, you're breaking a board which makes it real and tangible and you're going to need to break through some real, tangible boards if you're going to change. You know that's what breakthroughs are. They're changing, but the real breakthrough is stepping up to it and going for it and if you keep at it you will break through. I always joke and say I don't have an unbreakable board in the bunch. The only question is will you break it in the time that you're given, in the way that you're taught?

Speaker 1: 48:52

Amazing, wow. Well, brian, we're starting to come towards running out of time, but there's something I really I mean, I understand I'm having so much fun. I think, well, you obviously enjoy the topic because you've been doing it for 33 years and I love it, and I love the way you talk about it and it's really feeding the part of me that values those moments of change, so I'm grateful for that. It's a really lovely reminder.

Speaker 1: 49:19

I would like to ask you to just kind of if you can succinctly tell us about this new book, because I would love the listeners to hear about that, yeah.

Speaker 2: 49:28

I'll show you a little. Got one handy right there Beautiful Lessons from the Legends. Lessons from the Legends and my chief mentor in my life, who you mentioned before, that I learned a lot from experience and that's true. But if there's one person I admired who was became my friend, wrote the forage, my first book. It was a great, the greatest American men's basketball coach, and his name was John Wooden. John Wooden for those who are Ted Lasso fans, so Ted Lasso kind of a very popular series that takes us across the ocean. Ted Lasso the coach the coach, the in the series actually has John Wooden's pyramid of success on his wall and I have one right there.

Speaker 1: 50:16

I see it yeah.

Speaker 2: 50:18

John Wooden was a better, was the greatest coach in all time and what he accomplished, but he was a better person, better father, better husband, better man than he was a coach and his principles so aligned with everything I believe in and teach.

Speaker 2: 50:32

And then so he is one of the two legends that I write this book about.

Speaker 2: 50:36

The other was named Pat Summit, and she was to women's basketball in the United States, which, on one, was to men's basketball, but again, both these people taught people more than basketball, and so each of them created a structure that they taught humanity about John Wooden's pyramid of success.

Speaker 2: 50:55

Pat Summit had something called the definite dozen, and so this book really goes into each of those elements that they taught, which were really about learning to be more focused on your character than your reputation, because your characters, who you are, reputation only whether there's think you are yeah. So they were beautiful examples of humility, a presence of kindness, of self discipline, of giving credit instead of trying to take credit. They were remarkable people, and so I wrote this book, because I believe these are the things that matter the very most right now, at a time where we need to relearn how to be able to disagree without being disagreeable, that we need to understand that loyalty is something you give, not something you demand. That's the only way real loyalty comes and that if you are living with character, then you are going to earn trust automatically, naturally and for a lifetime.

Speaker 1: 51:57

Amazing. Well, I definitely want to put the link to that book in the show notes when we get there. Another question that I would love to ask you, because there are a lot of people in leadership positions at the moment who, I like to think, want to be part of the solution, and I'm including people who simply want to be better leaders in their own lives. You've said a lot of wonderful things today, brian. Is there something in particular you would like to say to those people?

Speaker 2: 52:27

Yes, two things. First and you just hit upon it, which you're so wise. I knew you would do that. Everyone is a leader. You are the CEO of your own life. What I mean by that is how you show up every day. That's leadership. What kind of impact do you have on people? Do you lift them up, do you neutralize them? You're already a leader, so that's vital. This message is to every person, because we're all leaders and we're all teachers. We are teaching a way to deal with this thing called life.

Speaker 2: 53:00

If there's one thing I would encourage more than anything else to a leader, if you really want to build people, teams and relationships and that is to be fully present. What does that mean? When you're fully present, 100% of your mind, body and spirit is with the people. You're with where they are now. You're brilliant at this, catherine. You do this. You know we're thousands of miles away from one another, but you're fully there in every moment, and your questions reflect that. But here's why it's so important to be fully present. When you're fully present, you say to that other human being what you must communicate to build trust and to build relationship. You say to them that they're important. You say to them that they're significant, that they matter, and our job as leaders comes down to that one key thing. Our job is to help the people that we lead, that we serve, that we love, that we care for, to know they're important, because when people feel important, they rise to their potential and when people feel unimportant, they quit, they act out, they give up. And the only way that you can really truly help people know they're important is to be fully present, because it says in every single moment to them right now you're the most important person on this earth.

Speaker 2: 54:21

You know, my daughters were my greatest teachers of this when they were young girls. They were eight and three, and one night when I could have been tucking them in and this was before cell phones I was on the phone. I was always on the phone and they walked in and they looked at me and they just said Daddy, we just want to know if you love your phone more than you love us. Ouch, emerson said what you do. Scream so loudly I can't hear a word you're saying. Well, that night, that was perhaps the most significant breakthrough of all in my life. I realized that I couldn't fake it. I was paying more attention to my phone than my children and my wife. Well, from that day on, I made a significant change. I never missed one other night, from that day on, when I was home to tuck them in. I never missed one other morning to to wake them up and get ready for school. I never missed one of the dance performances and I thought I was doing it for them.

Speaker 2: 55:17

Here's the beautiful thing about being present. It makes your life richer in every dimension. You don't get less done being present professionally. You get more done because you're fully there, with full energy. So remember that the past is history, the future a mystery. The gift is now. That's why we call it the present Wonderful. Beautiful.

Speaker 1: 55:41

So, Brian, we've been talking for about an hour today, which I've loved every minute of my five minutes to me I know, has there been a favorite part of this conversation today for you?

Speaker 2: 55:54

You know, I think that really what grabbing was the way we started this conversation, that first, whatever reason you have a gift, you're doing the right thing doing these podcasts. Because immediately your first questions immersed me into things that I don't often talk about. I don't talk about that moment in my life when I wondered if I was going to take my lives. It's not in it, it's not something that I often talk about. I don't really say about it, talk about in my seminars. But that was my favorite because it went to a level deeper than the norm and that has something to do with your being fully present.

Speaker 1: 56:31

Thank you, Brian. That's very kind and also interested, which I think helps, doesn't it? It's easier to be present when you are actually interested.

Speaker 2: 56:40

It absolutely is, and you know, a great gift. Here's a recipe for all of your listeners to live a great life Be easy to impress and hard to offend. Being easy to impress means you're interested in people, that they're always looking for something, that everyone can teach us something. Everyone has their gifts and so when you're, when you're easy to impress, that's what you look for and what you look. What you look for is what you'll create. Change the way you look at people, the people you look at. Change. Difficult to offend means you don't take everything personal, because it's usually not personal, it's usually something else. But when we take it personal, we move into defense and we're defensive. We stop communicating.

Speaker 1: 57:23

Through our words, never spoken. Brian, where would you like people to go if they would like to find you?

Speaker 2: 57:29

Simplest way just go to my website. It's just my name, wwwbrionbirocom. It's B-I-A-N-B-I-R-O, and that's really focused on my passion of speaking, but it also has all on my books and gives you a taste of what I do. But that's the simplest way to get in touch with me and I really focus on returning any kind of a reach out. So if anybody reaches out to me in any way, you can guarantee I will get back to you. Fantastic.

Speaker 1: 58:00

Brian, I so love this conversation. Thank you so much for coming on the show today and have yourself a beautiful day.

Speaker 2: 58:08

And you as well. You are a gem and it was a lovely conversation. Thank you, joy to you and I hope you enjoyed everyone watching this podcast.